must have home decor

we are home from bryce canyon, utah. it was an awesome trip and the birthday boy did so good for his first time sleeping in the pack and play in a hotel room! he is so much fun. we jumped on the bed and took a jetted bubble bath and then he had his bottle and went to sleep like usual. he did so good in the car, and he is talking SO much now! we took a bunch of pictures, and i will post them when i unpack and find the stinkin cord to the computer... so in like 3 days, in case you wonder how i travel. ;)

one thing i learned on this trip; always save your money to buy home decor while on vacation.

why is this so crucial? because those gas stations are amazingly stocked with only the classiest of items and you do NOT want to have to follow your husband around the store going "honey! this is so perfect, remember how you wanted one of these that one time? please can we get it?" only to have him say right back to you, "no, lynsie, we are not buying a statue of a wolf howling or a hand painted sign that says something about God and George Strait."

i am afraid my sick obsession with gas station novelty items on I-15 started a long long time ago, back when we used to take the "trail of tears" (pardon my affectionate nickname) every other weekend in our hasty moves to and from st george. i guess the gas station items made me feel connected to something, somewhere. it was like i knew i had been somewhere and had evidence. funny little concept, but you know you have felt that way as a child... maybe it was something like being told you were taken to disney land when you were little but not remembering and there being no physical evidence. see... this is why i needed the evidence.

it's funny, because this morning adam was armed and ready with the camera. he wanted to make sure that hundreds of pictures of tristan were taken on his birthday during our road trip. it was so cute. he wanted to be sure that tristan had "proof".

love,
lynsie

my baby

we are heading out of town today to go down south and look for mule deer for adams archery hunt. we are bringing tristan and plan on celebrating his first birthday with him down in some obscure town near hatch, utah.

I CANT BELIEVE HE IS ONE ALREADY!!!

yesterday adam looked at me as tristan picked up his own bottle and was drinking it walking around in little boy circles and said, "whoa, he is grown up!"

man, it seems like only yesterday that he wouldn't eat and i was so so desperate to breastfeed. it is crazy to look back at this last year with perfect hindsight. it's funny, and amazing to think about how completely and totally dependant tristan was on me.

my baby is turning one...

he repeats almost anything you say, even the girly things i say like "ta-da!". he has two voices he uses; monster and mom voice. (although i think, to be fair, that monster voice is really daddy voice.) he has a new haircut! he got a real salon haircut with me on monday. it is a fauxhawke. he loves to wave at people and things. his favorite things to do are; pretend things are his baba and carry them around the house in his mouth, flip the light switches off and on, talk to Jesus (seriously, he talks to my painting of the Savior), watch the dogs wrestle, play tickle monster, pull all the toilet paper off the rolls, play the piano, visit grandpa Nick, play in the dogs water dishes (you cant prevent this one... he is magnetically drawn to them I SWEAR.), and anything involving chocolate. he hates diaper changes and new teeth breaking through and, apparently, the hair salon. he can walk, almost run now. he absolutely wont eat unless you let him feed himself now. he sticks his bottom teeth out and pushes his bottom lip out and makes this monster face when he is coming to get you with a tickle. he calls me "mom-mom, la-la" and adam "dad-dad". he uses his high pitched "mom" voice whenever he is talking to the cats. :) he has three of his own drawers in the kitchen now, full of pots and pans and old race water bottles. he totally demolishes my house a few times a day, but then he wants to help clean up. his absolute favorite thing on the planet is to pull the baby wipes out one by one in a kind of panicked frenzy while doing darth vader breathing (because he is carrying something in his mouth like a doggy at the same time, of course!)

if you have never met my baby boy, i hope you got a glimpse of all the wonderful and hilarious stuff he does. if you know my little boy, then you already know all of this... that is the most beautiful thing about Tristan, he can communicate. he likes to tell you things.

i kinda like to think he is the best little boy in the world, but then i realize that most moms feel that way, but then i also realize that most moms don't have a miracle baby, and then i re-decide that he is the best little boy in the world.

oh yeah, and i am the luckiest mommy in the entire world.

we are so blessed!

happy birthday Tristan!!!

love,

lynsie

Dear Crest (a letter to an ex)

Dear Crest,

i know what you must be thinking... and i can't really blame you. it has been almost a week since i came through the drive-up and ordered a 32oz half diet coke half diet dr pepper. i have a little bottle at home. (now i sound like an alcoholic) i am trying to only use the "juice" in moderation, and i must admit that it is hard. BUT... i got 9 hours of sleep last night. so pretty much, i think i am never drinking diet soda again. if i'm gonna have a pop it's gonna be unleaded and full of calories. hopefully that helps me slow down a really really old bad habit of mine. anyways, when's the last time i had a REAL coke? hmmmm, maybe i need to come visit you soon crest. yes, i have missed you too. i love your drive up. okay, gotta go.

love,
lynsie

i'm worried this might be catching...

its 2 again... yup, in the morning. :) cant sleep. i have to admit that i thought long and hard about taking a narcotic pain pill to just help me sleep. i justified it every way i could to myself. the whole "feel better tomorrow after some good sleep" routine. but we all know you feel like crap the morning after any type of sleeping aid. so i guess less caffeine and more water tomorrow? i am working toward very little soda consumption. i guess i just want to feel better now that i feel better, if that makes any sense at all.

people are always politely asking me how i am doing since my surgery; my body and my health. i am typically casual and polite with them. sometimes i am in a talkative mood and i will entertain myself (and them usually) by bantering on and on about anything and everything. i figured some people might really want to know, in case they had been considering a similar surgery or something like that.

here is my synopsis:

be ready to feel like you just got hit by three semi trucks in a row for about 4 days after the surgery. you will need pain meds for 1-2 weeks MAX, less is even better. walk everyday after the surgery. if you are getting the surgery because you have pain or a disease, then get ready to feel the most amazing thing in your life: NO CRAMPS!!!!! you would not believe the difference. i honestly feel like a happier and calmer person now. my anxiety is getting better, as i get more relaxed and able to go out and do things. i can lift things and do moderate exercise now. i "sweat it out" for at least one hour every day. (part of my detox from 6 months straight of prescribed narcotics for my endo) this entails laying out, vigorous house cleaning, walking tristan and the dogs, spraying butchy with the hose, AND being scantily dressed after 5 wardrobe changes before noon due to embarrassing sweat patches. by about 4 pm each day i want to curl in a ball and die because i am tired and sore. it is like a detox sore, not a uterus sore. my incision sites do not hurt anymore. my iv site is still stiff and sore and bruised from all the phenegran. i have laughed more in the last 2 weeks than i ever have in my life. i have had more fun with adam in the last 2 weeks than i could have ever imagined with anyone anywhere. i am so glad i did the surgery, and so ready to get feeling better.

so hopefully that answers some questions for anyone who was seriously looking for an answer. i know i was looking for info before i made the choice, and it was a tough one to make. lots of prayers.

ANYWAYS

back to about three hours ago...

after tossing and turing in the bed for about an hour i finally explained to adam that i could not sleep and went downstairs. i went straight to the medicine cabinet. this is like the fifth day in a row of not falling asleep till 4 and waking at 7 so i guess i am feeling a little desperate to sleep. i actually had 2 tramadols in my mouth and spit them out. they are a non-narcotic pain reliever, but still... i spit them out. i really think it is the remnants of all the hormone treatments, anesthesia, narcotics and other stressful things that makes me hurt right now. i have read about detox and withdrawals and i know i had a really bad week right when i stopped, but i didn't think the symptoms would last this long. i have done a few things, like an infared sauna and herbal mixtures for detoxing, but i wonder if there is something more. i am not taking them anymore, now i just want them out!!! dang chemicals.

i always like to read the word of wisdom. it can be so refreshing and almost like an "eternal shopping list". it helps me reset my head on what things are good and the meaning of moderation. let's just face it; my 1/2 diet coke 1/2 diet dr pepper habit (not to mention the meds) were not good for my wallet or my body. water is so good, and i don't crash from it later. sometimes it's fun to have a soda on occasion. that would be my goal. i think about doing a diet or a cleanse and then i read those beautiful passages and i am reminded that the greatest instruction book on the planet is on the nightstand in my bedroom.

everywhere i have been for the last two days i have had a magnetic pull to be there, and met someone new and different that i say a few shy words to and then end up hugging and crying because we just shared some amazing moment together. for example, today i went to see my friend clint at the tattoo place and tristan saw a girl that looked like me. he did his usually "point and grunt" command to me. i hesitated for a second, i worried i should just leave her alone and not be a "chatty kathy" as adam so affectionately calls me. i was just about to turn when she smiled and tristan was overwhelmed with joy and she asked to hold him. i just stepped toward her and smiled. something made me ask her about her own kids, and then i just blurted out that i just got a hysterectomy and she said ME TOO!!! IN MARCH!!! she was younger than me, and had one child as well. it was amazing. we hugged and cried a little. wow, what if i had missed that? i cannot recount the many times this has happened to me recently.

so, i am awake... and writing. i am glad i spit the pills out :) maybe my lack of sleep is creating these mysterious meetings... i am worried this might be catching; there are an awful lot of you on facebook right now ;)



love,

lynsie

a new link for Abbie Warnock Photography (that works)

sorry, that link i posted didn't work. here is my photographer friends website,

www.abbiewarnock.com

she lives in sandy and is actually really reasonable as far as pricing and scheduling goes.

you ALL should do it!

xoxo
lynsie

smile

( me, today!)


i'm gonna go ahead and blame every "strange" thing i have done today on the solar eclipse.

everyone else is doing it

ANYWAYS... i don't think many of you realize what MJ meant to my little sister and i growing up. i wanted to be famous because of Michael Jackson. i wanted to do something AMAZING with my life. i wanted to dance like him! and dress like him! (haha) and luckily i already had jerry curls. (hahaha) but, seriously, i had a major time period of my life when his very existence changed me.

so, i assume you've heard him sing the song Smile by now, right? the words are amazing.

"Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by... If you smile with your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just... Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness, although a tear may be ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying, smile, what's the use of crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you'll just... Smile..."
(Words Written by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons. Music Composed by Charles Chaplin)


my big thing on this blog has always been HONESTY, but without a smile honesty can seem like complaining.

i just finished a 6 hour professional photo shoot with hair and makeup and costumes and different locations and everything! we rocked out to MJ the whole time. it was AMAZING, and MAN did i SMILE :):):):):):):):):):):)


it was a 1950's glamour shoot. abbie warnock is my friend/photographer and vivian williams is my other friend/genius amazing makeup artist. we had SO much fun. (yes, that was me at the fruit stand in a coral halter top dress and white heels with dramatic makeup and a hundred million men cat calling at me, and in that black beaded dress down at city hall under the streetlights.) i have only seen a few of abbie's photos of me, and she does a lot of artistic work with her photos. (check out her website) i will get them in about 3 weeks. i couldn't resist snapping a few shots of myself when i got home.

BUT, i will only share those with you if you see me in person and ask to see my phone!!! i am looking forward to the airbrushing effects of abbie ;) the only problem i have now is that my falsies (lashes) won't come off. oh well, i am sure adam won't mind.

to be completely honest i was shocked after vivian finished my makeup. i went into the other room alone and just stared in the mirror, wondering who that other person was. she was so beautiful! it was SHOCKING to see the few shots on abbies camera that she had taken. i was sure she must have accidentally pulled up a different shoot. that couldn't be me... right?

i feel like a woman. i wanted to do these photos for me and for my husband, but then it turned into something else during some of the shots. it was like i was doing these pics for all of us burned out moms who lost our knockout bodies once we had our miracle babies, never have time to doll up, feel frumpy and unattractive, and maybe even had their female organs removed.

THIS ONE'S FOR THE GIRLS!

Because owning what you've got, right when you got it, is what it takes to make a real smile!

love,
lynsie

see the silver lining in everything in your life... it's up to you!

I absolutely can not believe what is going on at my house this morning. Tristan (my almost one year old little boy) is still asleep! It is about 9:30 am. I have been up since 7. Oh ya, I broke my foot yesterday. Yep. My laptop powercord got stuck on the corner of the oven while I was trying to carry all my stuff to go lay out in the backyard while T napped.

Fashion IS pain, now i know that.

I got a pretty sweet tan, after the bleeding and crying and puking and stuff. I puked from the pain, and the sight of it. I felt like such a wimp!

But, I have not taken pain pills for a while now and i am NOT about to start now! Not even with a swollen, black and blue, broken foot. So Na na na na na na Devil! You're not gonna get me with this one. (who else would play such a nasty trick on me???)

I thought I would show all of you a pic I just took of both my hair and my tattoo... since both change so often. (hmmm, sorta Tonks from harry potter-ish of me ;) Oh well, I had to cut my hair again and get rid of the Elvira front and Rod Stewart top. It was just not me! No hate to my guy readers that wear girl jeans and spend time doing their bangs and actually like that haircut. I would love to look as good them in their tight jeans. Anyways, hope you enjoy the pictures and the roller coaster that is my life as of late.

Love,
Lynsie

on an even more personal note...

ya, i know, my handwriting... oh well

"goodbye, that's all she wrote..."

Famous words from the jonny cash song "Jackson". Now, I know they didn't mean jackson hole, but I like to think of it that way. jackson has always held this "even better than vegas" place in my heart. It is the ultimate get-a way. two days ago adam loaded me in the car with nothing but my stuff for the day and we drove till jackson and stayed in a reasonable hotel and ate at a reasonable restaurant and drove up to yellowstone falls and out west jellystone. it was so romantic! ;)

so, my head is still a little in the clouds from that. All i know, is that bella and edward got NOTHIN on me and Adam. NOTHING! And eternity with Adam is going to be so amazing.

it's nice to be just Lynsie for a few days; not mommy, not sissy, not sister webb, not coach, not student, not secretary, NOT SICK, just LYNSIE. did i mention I was naughty and wore a really amazing dress to dinner that made one of the waiters whisper to his friend, "dinner and a show... now we're talking." made me feel pretty again.

not many of you know of my goal to make post-hysterectomy the new megan fox. If you don't know who megan fox is, it's okay, I promise your husband does. ;) If you read my friend kristina's blog you will see that she is a nudity advocate. She inspired me. Now I am a, "let's show those pre baby body, rich, airbrushed, probably never held a welder and flipped down her own visor then welded on a track arm to the suspension of her jeep, FAKE GIRLS what a REAL woman is like.", kinda girl. that's right, and I ain't ashamed.

i am dizzy and tired, but i feel so good besides that. we just showed the house. DAMN, she looked really really interested.

what will I do if I sell???

"look out jackson town!"

love,
lynsie

my virtual tour

So, my mom has this agent in her office that acts as her right hand woman (ever since I left) and is AMAZING. Her name is Barb. She had a hysterectomy before having any children for health issues. She has been able to live life without taking any artificial hormones since. She and her hubby Peter are listing my house for free. I really don't want to sell it, because I love it and want to stay here and just need a magical money tree or something ;), but we'll see what happens.

Maybe I'll be "goin back to cali"... hmmm, that might work.

ANYWAYS... hmm hmm (sorry, it's late and I am easily distracted)

Here is a link to a tour of my home.

I LOVE IT! (Aside from the waiting room music, but I have heard worse.)

Barb and Peter are so awesome, if you need any RE help I fully recommend them.

Love,
Lynsie

drumroll please.................

I am excited to announce, but at the same time warning you of partial nudity as well as a pretty bad example/role model moment...

-stay if you dare!

(it might be helpful to read my last three or four post as well as this one if you are a new reader.)

So... I have this skin problem... let's just call it mystery skin. It has all these wonderful qualities, like beauty marks and rarely ever burns just turns deep golden tan and pretty lucky on the acne, I also got really lucky on the stretch mark... that's right, I said MARK. I only got one. :) BUT... I also scar in a different way than most people. My wounds do not like to heal easily, and they tend to stay separated instead of healing shut (like my nursing wound, which is STILL open, BTW) Once they finally heal I am left with those nasty big scars that you put on for Halloween, except mine never go away. I have some serious "battle wounds" from things in my life, and most of those things were fun or adventurous occasions when I just got hurt being wild. Now, I have 5 new scars. They are already puffy and hard and one wont stay closed. They hurt, and they are on my tummy. (from the hysterectomy/laproscopic surgery/appendectomy)

Now, I don't want to complain or anything, but I am a little upset about these new scars. I never had a "model" body before, but I wore a bikini sometimes. I worked my abs so they would look great on race day in my tri tanks. Now I have all these stinkin scars. And I decided to take things into my own hands.

Here is were it gets a little out there... brace yourselves...

I decided that God and I will have a few serious conversations someday. I will ask him why I had to experience certain things and he will ask me why I chose to do certain things. During these conversations I am sure we will be able to work out the details... because I am making it to the Celestial Kingdom with Adam and Tristan baby and YOU BETTA BELIEVE IT!!!

BUT...
I got a tattoo...

Of a shooting "nautical" star with a swallow, flying upwards.

It's on my shoulder/back. My garmies cover it completely. ;)

I am in no way endorsing or encouraging this behavior. ANY OF IT... IF YOU GET A TATTOO, ODDS ARE YOU WILL REGRET IT AT SOME POINT IN TIME.

But I just LOVE mine! It is so feminine and beautiful. It is new so it still needs to heal and get touched up. It hurt so good. It was a day when I was not taking any percocets last week. The entire experience was awesome. I told the artist my story, start to finish, explained to him my meaning for the tattoo, and he hugged me and cried. I even bore my testimony to him. ;) It took about an hour and it hurt. But Adam and Tristan held my hand and made me smile. To be honest, it was nice to REALLY FEEL SOMETHING again. I think that might be "dark and twisty" Lynsie talking. (I miss greys anatomy; Meredith is "dark and twisty" sometimes.) I dunno, coming off of 6 months of pain pills has been challenging, but feeling SOBER AND CLEAR HEADED is just so refreshing... especially after all the post pardem stuff. Feeling that raw peircing pain and knowing I chose it and I wanted it made me feel like the score was settled. Like I could be at peace with it all now.

I guess this is my little proclamation or statement of achievement and acceptance. Kinda like a symbol of my commitment to returning safely back home with my family, no matter what life throws at us, even if it seems impossible. So, here are the pics; let me know what you think. ;)

Love,
Lynsie





p.s. It started out really small, just a shooting star, and I did that one memorial day, because I was able to find peace in my heavy heavy heart over what my dad did, and why. Because I finally had been through enough to really understand what could drive a person to the point were ending it was actually a thought. I am SO GRATEFUL that I have a strong testimony, and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, my savior. He is so understanding and brings me so much peace. It's funny, because I sometimes complain about all that has happened in the last year, but to be honest... it has been the best year of my life so far.

I know it's BEYOND cheesy, but I love Miley Cyrus and she got one thing dang straight...

IT'S THE CLIMB!!!!

number two: Swallows

I am sad... I dont have time to give this post my full attention, but I really want to post it and keep this little thing going so I can announce my BIG thing by friday.

-forgive me in my haste???

Sparrows

A symbol of hope for the return home, of loyalty to one's family and home, of freedom. The swallow is a bird that chooses a mate for life. Therefore a swallow is also a symbol for love and loyalty to the family.
Other symbolic meanings in the same line:
• The return home after a struggle
• A hardship survived
• A victory gained.

The swallow, as well as bluebirds and sparrows, has always had a symbolic meaning for sailors because, before modern navigation technology, these birds were usually the first sign that land was near. A swallow tattoo for a sailor reflected his hope of coming home safely. Every 5000 nautical miles a sailor would typically get a swallow tattoo, marking his experiences. Speaking nautically; sailors relied on these birds and THE STARS, particularly THE NORTH STAR. Kinda neat... ;)

Another fact is that swallows return home every year, no matter where they are.

Swallows have always made me think about the hope of returning safely home with our families. Home, of course, is ETERNITY. I can't imagine what that will be like. But I really want to make it back there, safely, and with my family.

My grandma, the one who pretends she is white but is clearly not, lives in Benjamin. It is a small town, and if you know were it is then you probably knew all about the words I used in my last post. ;) She calls her house "Benjistrano" because of the swallows and how they all come back every single year to her breezeway. It's funny... like Capistrano... she's so wonderful. I absolutely love her. She is such a mystery to me. I wonder why she is so private. People ALWAYS tell me I should be more private. But, once I heard that Nie Nie was not going to be private because she didn't FEAR, she had FAITH... I was inspired. And, let's just face it, I'm pretty much shameless. ;)

So, just to answer your burning question NO; I am NOT joining the Navy. That is NOT my mystery news, so keep imagining what it could be. (Unless you think you know, and even if you are positive that you know... YOU DON'T! No one but Adam does!)

Okay, bedtime.
Love,
Lynsie

Ummm hold the posts!

So, now my house is for sale.

yup.

you can look at pics here

my stories will continue, I am just in a slight coma from all the financial paperwork.

next item we will talk about is the swallow. I love all birds, and of course love owls above all, but the swallow has a pretty interesting symbolism. check it out if you have time, then i will hope fully write when adam gets off shift on friday.

love,
lynsie

I don't think your ready for this jelly...

That's right... "bootylicious" quoted in my Title, I am rolling with class this evening.

So, I am starting a new "thing" hopefully it turns out well. There is a lot to read, and I know I can ramble on sometimes, but it should turn out to be pretty good stuff.

"I don't think you can handle this"

We'll see...

I am writing a series of stories/summaries of articles based on a few different things. Each day will be a new thing. You will learn about my history with, and other historical symbolism's of a new object in each post.

At the end, I will announce the BLOW YOUR SOCKS OFF reason for all this madness.

P.S. don’t tell if you already know please ;)

(It’s fun, just go with it!)

Number one: Shooting Stars

I like shooting stars because they are amazing. When you look up into the heavens and see a shooting star it is mesmerizing. I always find myself pondering the galaxies and universes that exist all over, and how big or small we are in comparison… trying so hard to wrap my mind around the concept and finally, giving up! Shooting stars have this power over me. They make me PONDER, like I have never pondered before. That was the beginning of shooting stars for me.

Let’s just say that when I was a little girl my mom taught me to believe that if you wished on a shooting star it would come true… always, even if it seemed impossible. I even wished once, and immediately told my mom. I fell asleep that night so absolutely sure that the shooting star would grant my wish. I woke up, smiling already, and ran downstairs. I was not sure how exactly this shooting star “fairy” would deliver the glitter makeup kit I had wished for, I just KNEW it would be there. I saw my mom as I came down the stairs, her smile was enormous. She led me to the front door and opened it and I saw the front porch all decorated with crepe paper and glitter and hand made confetti and a brown paper lunch sack with craft paint of a shooting star on the outside front and MY SPARKLE MAKEUP INSIDE!!!

Wow!

Wishes and dreams could come true!

This was a very precious moment for me, I was about 5 years old. I remember it crystal clear. From that day on I believed in the impossible.


When I grew older, it became really apparent to me that I did not have a dad, anywhere. That was a strange time for me, it seemed hard to keep believing in the impossible. But I eventually did, and I was rewarded tenfold. I gained a strong testimony of Jesus Christ, and his gospel, I learned to embrace my LDS heritage, rather than rebel against it. My anger was soothed. I believed that families could be together FOREVER. I knew that I would meet my Dad someday, and that we would be together, if we wanted to. I believed in the impossible again.

Whenever I saw a shooting star after that I counted it as a wink from my dad in heaven. Sometimes I would lie on my back on the lawn and look at the stars and wait to see one, other times I would be in the most random places and see them. It always seemed random to me, but later proved to be a very important moment, almost like talking to him, or him talking to me.

When Adam and I had our first date, we borrowed some long boards and went up Provo Canyon at night on a full moon. We wanted to bomb the canyon trail in the dark. It turned out to be safe (miraculously!) and when we came back up to pick up the drop off car at Vivian Park we sat out on the benches and played on the kids slides. We talked, and flirted, and talked, and teased, and sat on the bench, and he leaned over to kiss me and we both looked up…

The BIGGEST shooting star we had ever seen!

We kissed; a good, hard, like you mean it kiss. It was very dramatic. I think I even had a skirt on that was billowing softly in the wind. Parting from Adam that night was truly sweet sorrow. ;)

Then I moved away from Orem. Really, I moved away from Adam, from my Mom, from EVERYONE. I wanted to be on my own again, but just not on my own “in a VW at a Rainbow Gathering”. (No hate to my VW friends, I loved my van!) I just needed to discover who I really was, without the same old influences.

I went to stay with my cousin in Sacramento. I had an amazing experience sharing their family life with them. It was so neat to see a real family, with a mom and dad and kids and prayers at night and early morning seminary across town and family dinner every night, the power and presence of the Priesthood. It was admirable. They were living the so called "impossible". Don't get me wrong, they were not perfect, no one is, but they had a great impact on me. My uncle challenged me to bare my testimony of the LDS church to Adam.

Adam and I were talking and writing letters (he saved them!) back and forth from cali to utah non-stop. It was a little bit nauseating, I'll admit it. ;) I ended up only lasting about two months before I thought I might DIE if I didn’t see Adam again, and SOON. What can I say… we are soul mates. He flew out and we drove home together. Near the salt flats at about 1 AM it started to storm. The sky was golden and deep deep blue with lighting and fog, and SHOOTING STARS. It was a meteor shower that night. I had written my testimony down in a letter to Adam and planned to give it to him sometime on the ride home. It was tucked under the passenger seat. I suddenly felt like it was the right time. I asked him if I could drive. He looked at me, kinda annoyed, and agreed. After a few awkward minutes of me trying to set the stage I finally just said, “I wrote something down that I want you to read.” He reached under the seat and got it out. He started reading. I started a mild, but usually pretty easy to hide, anxiety attack. It was silent for a really long time. I was getting really anxious about it. I thought I might break the ice, and looked over to see a tear on Adams cheek. Getting Adam to feel his own testimony was impossible... so I had once thought. I never thought we could be together, forever, because I never thought he would accept the gospel. It's a really good thing that I believe in the impossible, hu?

That night we drove home with excitement buzzing around us. We both knew that we had found our destiny. We knew it was going to be like this, us sitting next to each other in a car somewhere driving across some desert or canyon, listening to music and holding hands. That night we decided we would get married in the LDS Timpanogos Temple. It took a lot of time to become prepared, but we made it. MOST people who knew us growing up would say that it would be impossible for ME to have straightened up and got married in the temple. But, you know how I feel about impossible...

There was a great big shooting star one night on our honeymoon at the cabin in Scofield.

I had found my soul mate. It was clear. I knew he was it. It was like his spirit and mine instantly bound together and have never parted since. Adam has this amazing quality about him that somehow re-sets my internal compass whenever I am feeling out of tune. He is such a guide to me, a beacon of light, even a lighthouse, or maybe… just maybe, a STAR. Like the North Star. Like a star that would give me light when I was lost and alone in the darkness.

After years of my chronic pelvis pain, extreme blood loss due to near constant menstrual issues, anemia, ovarian cysts, fainting, fatigue, fibroids, endometriosis, and just plain being worn out; getting pregnant was not exactly easy for us! We were married 7 years, and then we got our Tristan. Our beautiful baby boy, our miracle… another time believing in the impossible has proven to be so much more than worth it.

Fast forward, here I am about two weeks post hysterectomy. I reached my goal of quitting the narcotics. I am taking the herbal/natural hormones and feeling better and better every single day! I don't need to tell you, but I will just so it sinks in... I BELIEVE IN THE IMPOSSIBLE.

I have the man of my dreams, my soul mate
We have been blessed with this amazing baby boy
We can be together as a family forever!

When I think about shooting stars, I think about believing the impossible, and the North Star, and the Compass. I think of , “a guide to get me and my family back home safely.” I believe in the impossible. It happens every single day!

Love,
Lynsie

Do you remember?

When we fell in love? We were young and innocent then...



That's right folks, I am gonna go ahead and start off my first blog in nearly two weeks by quoting the late great king of pop.

I have been feeling better, it is starting to hurt less.

Sometimes I still cry, when I remember all the good times we had together... ya know, through the tv and radio. I hope he got my letters (which you would know about if you read my post on 25 random things about me.)

OF COURSE I AM TALKING ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON!

Pssssshhhaaa! Like my hysterectomy even matters anymore! (Damn you MJ for stealing my thunder, I may never fully forgive you!)

On a more serious note, my goal to be off all narcotic pain relievers is two weeks, so that is next Tuesday. I know i can do it, with help. (prayers are appreciated, especially if you include MJ and his family in the prayer... that would be particularly appreciated.)

It's 5 AM, I can't sleep. My all black cat Frodo Baggins that I have had for 6 years is purring loudly across my arms making it almost impossible to type, but being so relaxing and loving that I won't move him. :)

I had a CRAZY experience at the hospital. I didn't even fully wake up for 2-3 days after the surgery. It was very odd, and made me have SO MUCH ANXIETY!!! But, after my short term memory came back (this is apparently a normal thing, and happens all the time...) anyways, after I stopped acting like some soap opera character waking up in the hospital bed and asking, "Is the surgery over? How did everything go? Did he leave my ovaries? How is Tristan?" about 40 times repeated in an hour for two solid days. Did I mention that I love my husband? Because I do, A LOT. He stayed with me and protected what little dignity I had left. Finally I came around and actually had a few pretty bad panic attacks when I realized three days had passed. I was OBSESSED with wanting to know every detail of those three days. Finally, my hubby had to ask me to shut the hell up. Poor guy, he really did go through a lot for me!!!

Now I just have lovely incisions. I already met with a plastics guy... about 4500 for a partial tummy tuck that would hide the surgery scars. Oh well, they are my battle wounds and I shall wear them proudly. (or somehow get rich and get a tummy tuck. either one really.)

Adam is going back to work 48 hours on and 96 hours off. He got a bid at a station in Magna. This is a really really good thing. You have to have seniority on the department to get a bid. I am excited, and I think I want to move.

DON'T GET MAD AT ME...

I just think moving would be reasonable. There is a house with our exact floor plan and lot size, on a corner even, and it was built in 1993 and is a for closure for $155,000. That would like half our mortgage payment. I am aware that we would have to move immediately before T starts school... he should at least have a chance at a life without the words "crick" "lane" "fixin" "mowntans", etc-. If you don't get those words, you probably didn't get raised in spanish fork or payson, or my hometown of benjamin. It's okay, you can watch an episode of the simpsons with the trailer trash family, THAT is what I am talkin about.

You can take the girl outta payson, but you can NEVER take the payson outta the girl!

So, it's late, but actually early. My old self would be out working out by now.

Someday my size 8 jeans will fit again.

That is all I ask, size 8 for cryin out loud!

Also, I have made a bunch of yur bags, I did it in a rush right before my surgery and apparently FORGOT. I found them the other day. I will get a hold of all of you on Monday.

Most important message of my entire post... Michael Jackson was a good guy, he was messed up, but some of that was not his fault. I have to forgive child molesters... it is something I must do in order to function, so maybe that is why I still love MJ, but in all reality, ALL OF US should forgive each other. Who the hell cares if he was nuts. He had a tough life, and a whole lotta talent. He shined brighter than most of us can ever dream of, so of course he faded... but he was a good man, and for that I truly admire, and respectfully feel honored to have experienced his ups and downs with him via the media. Privacy is a VERY lucrative thing!

imagine if every single thing you did was under the public eye for scrutiny...