Pajamas, Poland and Pills

Where do I start...

Last night I could not sleep. It was a combination of three things. Pajamas, Poland and Pills.

We'll start with the Pills:
When I saw my doc last week and told him about the vertigo he suggested that I change the time of day that I was taking my Yaz. I did, but instead of missing a dosage I took a second pill in the morning after I had taken one at night. THIS is what we all believe caused my serious side effects. I talked to the doc yesterday and we all agreed that it is not worth it for me to go extreme and get the full hysterectomy yet, and that we should keep trying the pill for a little longer and just switch back to taking it at night. When I was taking it at night I had 2 hours of vertigo between 6-8 PM. I will take those two hours over what I have been dealing with since I started taking the pill in the morning ANY DAY! But this time I have to miss a dosage, which means my body will start to have a period today. Today I am bracing myself. But, I think it will be worth it.

Now Poland:
My oldest brother served a mission for our church when he was 19 years old. He was called as one of the first missionaries to the Poland, Warsaw mission. He diligently prepared and I remember clearly thinking, "He won't really go." It's sad, because I was not in a spiritual place back then. I was almost 14 and had been smoking/drinking/using recreational drugs for almost 2 years. I thought I was ALL GROWN UP, but really I was a scared and hurt little girl struggling desperately to keep my head above the dark waters of depression. I was afraid of my brother leaving, I was afraid he would be gone forever. (Just like my dad?) I turned this fear into anger and like a little badger I was determined to NEVER allow anyone to know my true feelings and showed aggression and anger about things that hurt me.

I never wrote my brother, not even once on his two year mission.

He sent me letters, and a package on my birthday with a whole bunch of pre-stamped envelopes and blank stationary. I found them when I was 19 and moving my stuff to my brand new apartment with my love Adam, after we had been married in the temple. I had the missionaries in my town visit me when I was 18, and they changed my life forever. The power and testimony of these young 19 year old boys changed my life FOREVER. I will never forget how grateful I was that they made that decision to become missionaries, that they made that sacrifice. I love them.

There I was, unpacking my little things when I found my brothers packages. I cried so hard. I called him. (We had become close since, but I had never talked about his mission.) I asked him everything about Poland. Then I sent him a letter with the envelope and stationary. I had to get different postage, but I wanted to use the letters. I became very intrigued with Poland and the history there.

My brother married a girl from France, and they talk often about visiting Europe together. I have expressed my strong desire to go along with them, and my desire to see something near Poland. My brother understands why I want to see this place, but my husband never understood.

The place is Auschwitz.

And, finally, Pajamas:

A few days ago I made a comment to a friend on face book about my silly german shepherd July and how I thought she was deaf or hated me when we first adopted her because she wouldn't listen to me. The breeder told me she probably just responded to commands in her native language. Which one? I asked. It turns out that my dog understands German and Spanish. My friend on facebook called my dog a Nazi dog and told me she was probably looking for gold. I shrugged it off. Most people have a prejudice against german shepherds, either they are afraid of them or they have decided that the dogs somehow chose to be members of Hitlers army. I love my dogs, and they make me feel safe while my husband is gone, so often.

Regardless, I think my friend struck a chord inside me, and I started looking for movies about Poland, Auschwitz, and the Holocaust. It started with the TV version of V for Vendetta. (I don't watch rated R movies, sometimes I won't even watch pg-13 movies. I am too sensitive, as you will soon find out.) V for Vendetta left me scared. I wondered how many people, and dogs, had a true heart and felt like what they where doing was right because they where not fully informed of what there were doing? I worried that someday I might be so naive and easily mislead. How sad. Then, I saw the film The Boy in the Striped Pajamas last night. I was up all night crying about it. It is a poignant story that really demonstrates the impact of people who did not fully understand what Hitler and his army were doing, and that suffered consequences because of it.

I laid awake with tears streaming down my face until the sun rose this morning. My husband found me downstairs and was immediately worried that my pain had begun from not taking the pill. I softly explained myself. He kissed me and left me downstairs to sleep while he cared for Tristan. I woke up at 11 and came upstairs. I am not crying anymore, but I guess I never thought about these things this seriously.

I have SO MUCH. I am SO BLESSED.

I am not sure if I still need to see that horrible place someday, but if I do it will be out of respect, and not curiosity.

I think the last word of my post will be another "P" word.

PERSPECTIVE

Love,
Lynsie

Exit Only

I just scheduled my colonoscopy.

Two weeks.

Oh joy.

I am considering writing "EXIT ONLY!" across my bum cheeks in black marker right before the procedure.

Just for kicks and giggles.

;-D

Okay, NEW POST

That last post reads out A LOT more depressing than intended...

My dear friend went to the dollar store with me and we "shopped" and talked for an hour while our kids fussed in the carts. We laughed and cried and hugged and supported each other, all while being frugal. (You are welcome husbands)

My mother in law came over and helped me round out the night by feeding Tristan his oatmeal while I was too dizzy and listening to me pour my heart out. She really gets me. It is SO important to have someone in your life that really gets you, ya know?

I know what I have to do, and now I just need to do it. I have to HONESTLY pray and be willing to listen to the response in store for me. I need to pray with FAITH, and HOPE. I love the word HOPE. It means so much to me.

I have HOPE, and I am going to make it through this! But, I know I couldn't do it without all of the love and support I receive from my "angels" here on earth.

Thank you!

Love,
Lynsie

Vertigo

I wish I never knew what vertigo meant...

it is evil...

I promise I am still alive, and being happy and positive over here.

but right now, I have vertigo, migraines, and seizures...

seizures...

My options are running thin.

I don't want a full hysterectomy at 26.

I don't want to play roulette with different birth control pills for years and years.

I feel so ALL OVER THE PLACE emotionally.

Plus, we already met our out of pocket maximum for the insurance year (which ends in July, so NO RUSH OR ANYTHING)

I love Adam so much, he held me in his arms last night and reassured me that he wants me NO MATTER WHAT, even if I am broken, even if I am crazy, even if I am mean, even if I am BARREN, even if I am menopausal.

This helps. Because, I must admit that I have thought maybe he would be better off without all of my messes...

He pretty much shook me until I understood that life without me here would NOT be acceptable, and he is willing to be here with me NO MATTER WHAT, through thick and thin, for TIME AND ALL ETERNITY.

I love him so much.

So, I have made my mind up, I am definitely NOT going anywhere!!!

But, I still don't know what to do with my endo...

Back to the knees? Sounds like a plan. I love prayer, you can NEVER mess up a prayer.

Love,
Lynsie

Where'd you go?

Dear loyal readers, friends, family, occasional readers, blog stalkers, and random drop by's;

I am sure by now you are feeling like I am a "fair weather friend", except the opposite. I mean, I am sure you think, "Well, when she wasn't feeling good she blogged and commented but NOW...." Or something like that. Well, here's the thing... I DO feel better, and that is such a great blessing!!!

I am also helping my dear friends market their race, the Provo Triathlon, and it is kinda consuming my computer time and leaving me walking away before even linking to blogger.

Now, in the middle of the night, I find myself WIDE AWAKE ooozing with posts I want to share and missing my blogger friends and their stories. Tristan is also teething. Top front two. Oh, and he has declared that he will only nap ONE TIME per day now as well. These things don't combine well and leave me groggy and even a little grumpy some days.

I am working on finding my balance, my medium. I am kinda "stuck on stupid LARGE" I do large or small, usually not medium. As I get older I am finding that medium is really a nice place to be. I WANT medium. I need medium. I am working on medium.

Also, as these sunshiny days have inspired me to spend time outside I've found myself looking in the mirror really truly pondering something... Had I lied every time I checked the box for White/Caucasian??? With each passing day I grow increasingly darker and darker. I like it, mostly because I feel green in the winter, but it really makes me question things, like the fact that my grandma NEVER told ANYONE that she had endometriosis (THE SAME THING I JUST WENT THROUGH HELL AND BACK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF I HAD, hmmm hmmm) and that she had to get a full hysterectomy at 28. That may have been helpful information. (I am really not mad at her, I love her so much.) People keep telling me it's a "generation" thing. That my grandma didn't talk about that because it would be inappropriate according to her generation. Okay, fine, whatever. But, we have ALL let the fact that grandma was the DARKEST skinned child in her family slip for WAY TO LONG. She once told me she was the darkest skinned person in her whole high school, and that she always wore long sleeves and light makeup. Come on already! I would like to know what I am. I get asked every other day. I would like to tell Tristan what he is too. I guess I can tell him he is 1/4 Greek. (Adams dad is from Athens, Greece) But, again, the "generation" thing prevents this important information from passing down. I have attempted to research it. A lot of family members have. No one ever finds anything. I guess I haven't ever REALLY REALLY tried. I don't want to offend her. I love her! Even though she looks like a Native American and tells me she is Danish. I guess part of me wants to know more about my past; who I came from, what they did and looked like and lived like. I don't think it will change anything, but it will satisfy my hunger to find out things about who I am. Some people will understand this hunger better than others. I never knew my dad, that is what I think makes me feel this way.

Anyways, I am off my soapbox for now. I will work on medium and try to be here more often. Not really for you, but for me. I love to write. It makes me feel better. It is my release. So, take it or leave it. Read it or skip it. These are my posts as of late.

With love,
Lynsie

Oh my goodness...

I just had to LOG IN to blogger. Do you know what that means??? That means it has been WAY TOO LONG since I was here. I am a busy woman. I got my hair cut. I am feeling better and taking NO PAIN MEDS! I am liking YAZ. Tristan is still OBSESSED with the toilet. I swear... it is KILLING me. (yucky!) So, I have no great excuse except I have been busy and happy! I have not read ANYONES posts since last week. I will get right on that. But honestly, Tristan is headed to the toilet again. BOYS!!!!! Maybe tonight.

Love,
Lynsie

My new "quote"

I don't know if it is famous, if I heard it somewhere, if I made it up or where it came from, but here it is:
"It is never to late to heal the past, never to early to plan for the future, but most important of all is to BE PRESENT in the present."

Today the little 8 year old that talked at church spoke to me deeper and clearer than any adult I have ever listened to or respected. THAT'S the power of the GOSPEL.
Love,
Lynsie

It's that time again

Today we plan for the triathlons we will put on this year, the Utah Half Ironman and the Provo Triathlon. I am assistant race director and NEED HELP since I have been sick, etc-. We need volunteers, we need donations and most of all WE NEED RACERS! You could do a relay (just swim, bike, or run) with a group of friends. There is a kids race at the Provo tri. I will post a link later today after our meeting with more info.

I LOVE TRIATHLON SEASON!!!

Just thinking about all the paths my little feet have trodden...

I was in 8th grade? I think. My friend Stacey and I were walking from breton woods to a little place on north state street that was hosting a local concert. I was barefoot, with brown polyester pants and a hideous grandma button up shirt from savers, a large leather purse, giant sunglasses (at night), curly long hair and about a gallon of vanilla perfume. We got almost to the concert when a guy (johns brother) picked us up and gave us a ride the rest of the way. We showed up late. The first band was just finishing up. There was a lot of "hippie wiggling" going on. The first band was called something like Revival of the Sun?, some guy named Cameron and another guy named chris... there was this really tall girl with long dreadlocks who was really loud but cute. There was a small skinny girl with long blond hair with the tall girl. I watched them with interest. The first band ended and the second one took their place. I am pretty sure the band was called Infernal Racket. (SO SIMPSONS) Nico was in the band, he was also in my foods class. I liked to make up wild stories and tell them to Nico during foods, things like I was a fairy with magic powers, or I was really a vampire, or that I was the first person on earth to ever hear the band sublime. He seemed to enjoy my musings. I noticed a band member shared my affection for bare feet. hmmm..... interesting. ( you know that was a Mr Burns reference!)

Crossroads #1 I chose to hang out with band #2, and eventually grew to really like barefoot bandmember, and actually started to really get annoyed with Nico... for reasons I still cannot remember, but I think they were good... I grew bored of the normal-ness of band #2. Amazingly, because they are not at all boring. I guess I wanted to find a different scene.

Crossroads #2 Two boys walk in to Fresh Food Junkies Cafe. I have worked here for a while, I am a vegan, I refuse to wear shoes still, even at work. Cameron and John are the boys. They played in Band #1 way back when. We hit it off and soon became fast friends. I soon met that tall girl with long dreads and my dearest little diane and my life became a never ending cheech and chong movie. I made good memories and dear friends and many mistakes, but I grew to LOVE so many people in this group, and still do. There were many many nights that I was hanging out with this boy named Adam, but I never really noticed him. He never really tried to notice me. I, of course, took things to the extreme with partying and... eventually wanted out of it all together.

Crossroads #3 I am driving down 8th north listening to Christian rock music on my way to go swimming in provo river by myself. (still no shoes on) I have been sober for about 3 months. I stop at a light and a car in the lane next to me REVERSES and pulls up next to me. Two boys roll the windows down with fly rods hanging out. Adam and Mike. They ask where I am going, "to the river", "us too", maybe i'll see you there...

Crossroads #4 I still cannot remember how, but somehow I found nico and aaron and derek (band #2) and went to dereks house and drank matte and talked and laughed and shared stories for hours. When I left that night I completely intended to hang out with them again, and more frequently. (Again, I still never knew quite why I stopped hanging out with them...) It was Orem city summerfest time. I think I made plans with Aaron, Nico and Derek... but I called Adam. Out of the blue. I looked his number up in the phone book. I hung out with Adam that day, And every single day after that for as long as I can remember. I took Adam to see Band#2's new band up in Salt Lake. It wasn't our scene. I took Adam to play with friends from Band#1, not quite our scene either. Apparently, our scene was just hanging out with each other. We hung out every single day for a year, then he asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

Why the story??? I don't know for sure. It is one in the morning and I am sitting here thinking about all of the friends I have made and all of the things I have seen and done and how each individual thing has made me who I am today, and how I would not change that. I am also thinking about how truly, down to the core of my heart, I know that Adam and I were meant to be together. I think there are so many paths that one can take in life, and many will lead to a good place. Sometimes we get lucky (or is it blessed?) and our destiny falls at our feet. (Mine bare of course) I first met Adam in 7th grade; he was on the track team with me. I ignored him for 5 years. He is my one and only. He was made for me and I for him. Who woulda thought... We married in the Mt Timpanogos Temple on May 8th, 2002. Our reception was at his grandparents lovely backyard. It rained, but it was perfect. A mixture of friends from all genres came. We danced to Bob Marley, Dave Matthews and Enya. I looked around at the vast array of different people who came. It made me smile. I still smile about that.

Here comes the sun!!!!!

Today is day two of the YAZ. Day two of no percocets. I hurt like crazy, BUT, I am not gonna take any more percocet. NO MORE. I will take tylenol and ibuprofen. Tomorrow I have an apt with my Doc and I will ask for tramadol. (A non-narcotic pain reliever) Even with the pain, I FEEL BETTER. If you want to you can read about my reasoning behind no more narcotics here. But, you have to have a facebook account to see it. Today is the first day of Adams 48 hour shift in SLC. I am happy. I am excited. I feel energy coming back. I feel excited about the world, my life, my baby guy, my friends, my family, EVERYTHING. I can't believe it but... I THINK I AM FEELING BETTER!!!!!! I want to hang out with people, and the moms club is in full force. Please link to this for updates. (also requires a facebook account, but really everyone should have one anyways!)
Have a beautiful wet spring day today, and remember the sun WILL come out eventually.
Love,
Lynsie

WIDE AWAKE

Today I am awake at 5 AM for no reason. I came downstairs and turned on conference thinking, "that'll put me to sleep". WRONG. Apparently I missed this amazing talk by Dallin H Oaks on bearing and rearing children. AMAZING.

Also, when I signed in to my email I saw the side bar ad of the girl dancing the "booty dance" and then she turns around and looks at the camera and holds her hand up to her mouth in a completely fake "oops!, I had no idea I was being recorded" fashion. I decided that after about 5 years of that same ad, I am done with it. It needs to go away. Who is with me here???

And yet another comment about my health: I have chosen to take YAZ birth control. The pain pills leave me still in pain and I am sick of them. I really hope birth control works out for me.

Oh ya, several family members and friends asked me over this weekend why I write such personal things on my blog. I was a little shocked. I didn't think it bothered anyone, besides if it did they could just stop reading, right? I guess I took it wrong. Apparently they were trying to say "I love your honesty and it helps me work out frustrations that I am afraid to talk about." Well, at least one person said that. If one single person on this planet gets comfort from my honesty, and some times craziness, then I am happy. Even if NO ONE BUT ME enjoys it, I am happy. That's just the way I am. Anyways, I am going to listen to that talk again. I think "someone" is trying to send me a message. I hope that everyone reading this that actually takes comfort in my "sometimes awkward honesty" knows that I love them, that I love to talk, and that I like car rides to crest and then up the canyon. You can pour your heart out to me. I will NEVER judge you harshly. I mostly listen, and when I can I relate.
Love,
Lynsie

My little ray of sunshine

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
If I had a day that I could give you
Id give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
Id sing a song to make you feel this way
If I had a tale that I could tell you
Id tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
Id make a wish for sunshine all the while
John Denver

My mom never really talked about my dad. The first time I saw a picture of him I was 6 years old. He died when I was about 18 months old. My grandma (his mom) said my dad would sit me on his lap between him and his guitar and sing me this song over and over and over.

I loved this picture of Tristan and the way the sun shines on his shoulders.
Easter, Resurrection, eternal life. The plan of salvation. The Good News!

Follow this link to my pics of Tristan for this month. Sorry, it is so much easier for me to upload them to facebook all at once than to post them one by one on here.
Enjoy!
Happy Easter

It's gonna be okay

I ended my day by singing at the top of my lungs with Tristan, in my jetted tub with bubbles overflowing on to the ground. He found the sound of my voice so entertaining. He would lay his sweet little head against my chest and smile and breath loud and wait for me to sing, then squirm and giggle and laugh and smile. It was heaven. It was perfect. I don't care if I can't have it all. I have EXACTLY what I need. I am happy. It's gonna be okay.

the little engine that could...

Yesterday I started having contractions. Full on, 9 hours in to labor, contractions. Well, at least that's what it felt like. I was blindsided by the cramps. They came whenever they felt like it and lasted as long as they wanted to. The first one took my by so much suprise that I fell to the ground and starting crying so hard that no noise was coming out. Best part, I was home alone and my cell phone was downstairs. Since this was the first one I didn't know for sure what it was, how long it would last, or if I was going to die right then and there. I also took a short moment to notice that my kitchen floors need mopping SO bad. While curled in a ball I prayed. Right then the garage opened and Adam came home half hour early that I expected him. He held me tight and helped me to calm down. About 10 minutes later it happened again. I am already taking pain pills, and this is breakthrough pain. I can't imagine what it would be without the meds. Three more cramps and a whole bunch of tears later my step brother Jed and his wife Brook came over and Adam and Jed gave me a Priesthood Blessing. It was amazing. I still had the cramps after the blessing, but that is not the point. The point is: 1. I wan't a blessing and believe it will help. 2. My husband is worthy to give one. 3. My step brother is worthy to give one, and willing to rush over and help. These are good things. I am getting worried about my plan. You know, the one where I wait for two cycles and then decide if or what medications or surgeries I will do to treat the endo. The dr told me the first cycle back will be the easiest, and they will progressively get worse and worse until I do surgery or medication or get pregnant. I want to just get pregnant. But, I can't. Not yet. I am on too many medications, and you can't get pregnant when you are on them. Also, I am so tired and overwhelmed and scared of morning sickness, pregnancy narcolepsy (thats real I promise :))and those things. I want to be clear of all medications and to have been working out again at least 3 times a week before I get pregnant again. I am scared. If these are my pre period cramps then there is no way I can stop taking the pain pills. It feels like a vicious cycle. But, I got a blessing, and I do have faith. I have seen miracles. I know all about them. Maybe it's my turn for a miracle. I may not post much this week. I don't feel well, but I know everything will be okay. (I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can) Tristan drank his whole bottle for me today!!!!! That must be a good sign.
Love,
Lynsie

Basket Case *(Warning contains baby tristan nudity)*

Tristan has this HUGE rash. It started the other day and got worse and worse throughout the day. He has been sick for almost a week. Then, all the sudden, within an hour the rash goes out of control. I freaked out. Adam was at work. I took a pic and sent it to him. He coached me out of an anxiety attack. I had the chicken pox 7 times growing up. Strange, hu! And I have never been vaccinated for it. This rash was starting to look like the chicken pox. I called the afterhours ped office and they told me to bring him on in. Tested for strep, negative. Apparently infants get rashes with colds sometimes. I swear I have never heard of that but, whatever. My favorite part about him being sick is that he has been so tired. Ya, he's crying his head off and won't eat a thing all day long, but when naptime comes he cuddles. He cuddles hard. Like he means it. Like he needs his mommy. I like that a lot. :) Conference was amazing. Jeffrey Holland had a talk on feeling alone. I SWEAR he was talking straight to me. It made me cry. I love conference. I had a dream the other night. There was another baby in our house. Wonder what that means. It's funny because everything around me, my family, my health, my baby guy, my in-laws; they are having so many trials right now. But Adam and I are closer than we have ever been. Words can not express what that means to me. I have so much emotional trust in him. I don't feel vulnerable anymore, even now right smack dab in the middle of some of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I have trust in him, faith in him, love from him. 7 years of marriage this May. I got the right one. I KNOW I got the right one for me. That feels really good. Even if I am a basket case. Oh ya, PICTURES!!! (And, it's my birthday :))

Oh the places you will go...

Instead of a post today, I did this. Make sure you click on each picture/note and read my comments. Consider it a tour of my childhood. Enjoy! :)

Tristans Turn:

I usually blog while Tristan is napping, or during the 15-20 minutes after he eats when he has to stay upright (for reflux) in his bouncer. There have been times when he refuses to bounce, refuses to be upright, unless I let him play with my laptop. So, ladys and gentlemen, I present

TRISTANS FIRST BLOG ENTRY:

W2efftrtttftqarrrrrrrffffffc nnnn4r hhk;p. dd
Fft[gtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttyytttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttggggggtty b y.,’llllllllllllledreau ccccccccccccccc m8 m m fffffffffffffrrff v uVlsssssvlsssss1]S]SXZ/S4E45%$%Rrr
“o1]EEqrwQqw.-frcdftttfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtrt5_/sdlrllrfcccccccccx
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

7tygtyynznnnnnnnfFQF.-p;qwaaawwq.}nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn~w2 ccc nWn jX54 vzZzZzssswwawaqzaazzzzzzzzzzzvv44ddd vddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddkkk8.hggt//////////////////////.--.//////////gfhnhnnnnz’’’’’’’’’’’’’::///////////.RFFFFFFFEEA K ZUXXXXXXXXXXXRJJ JJJ JJJJJC

Bravo, I must say. He is a natural.

Also, just a random thing thathas been buggin me lately, what happened to the farr side? You know the calendars and cards and comic books with hillarious animals and stuff. I NEED the farr side right now. I used to give out farr side cards to people on special occasions, like baby showers or baptisms. The card would have absolutely nothing to do with the occasion. Some of you reading this have been honored by this before. I went to the grocery store this morning. (For ant bait, my basement has ANTS everywhere. I FREAKED OUT!!!) and I strolled down the card isle, searching and searching. No farr side. Maybe I should start making my own?

I know I promised, but...

Today, and yesterday, I have been brought to my knees in prayer so often. I know that some of you who read this will know why, and it is for you that I am posting today. I found a quote on a blog friends website. I really liked it. It seemed appropriate for today. I love you family. All of you. Forever.

"When we honestly ask which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness ... makes it clear that whatever happens in the external world, being present to each other is what really matters." ~Henri Nouwen

Promise more pics next post

So, hey whats going on out there in blog world? Am I boring you or depressing you? Or, are you simply so busy voting for Danny Gokey that you forget to leave me a precious comment? I have decided it is because I haven't been posting pictures. So, I will post more pics soon! But someone is a loyal commenter, and if you don't read her yet, YOU NEED TO. Trust me. For real, I am being silly, and I just want to say that I love ALL of your comments, and they make me really happy. So thank you :) I am watching Idol on DVR right now, so don't spill the beans. Adam has worked for Orem Fire Dept the last two days from 7 to 7 and somehow I am surviving pretty well. Must be all the prayers and angels. Adam told me I looked skinnier today. They fill you up like a balloon full of gas when they do the endo surgery, both in your abdominal cavity AND in your uterus. I wonder what that looked like. All I know is I have felt like one of those gross animals in shrek that they blow up into balloons since the surgery. Today I feel a lot less balloon-ish. I had to take Tristan to the doc. He's sick, not sleeping well, crying a lot, getting in top front teeth. I took ten minutes to get ready and gathered my little sick boy with blankeys and diaper bag. I had to walk across the parking lot, which felt like a marathon to me since I was carrying Tristan, blankeys, and diaper bag. When I got back in the docs room the nurse said, "I like your makeup, it is so natural and pretty. You look good." YES!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy. So today I am skinnier and have pretty make up! I really like today.