super volcanic

I have had mini melt down after mega melt down after supermassive blackhole melt down over the past few weeks. I don’t know what it is for sure, there are too many things going on for me to pinpoint it. I just feel a little sensitive right now, that’s all.

Needless to say, it has been interesting. Lots of good writing material.

(Always a bright side)

I saw Julie and Julia today. “I hate it. I don’t understand it.” You might have to see the movie before that makes sense. ;) It gave me goosebumps. More than once! It was excellent!!!

I had a Vesuvius sized meltdown today. It was like watching Tristan throw a fit over wanting to feed himself the popsicle and throwing the popsicle in the dirt. I knew it was pathetic and wasteful, but I did it anyways. I cried and cried and cried. My emotions shifted like three bazillion times in thirty minutes. I was so tired, I bet I would have sucked on my blankey and self-soothed myself to sleep. (nyam nyam nyam nyam) ;)

I am so lucky I have adam. What on earth would I do without that man. He has got to be the worlds greatest husband, hands down. He pushed his hurt feelings aside and held me tight and listened to me ramble on. (kinda like you guys) it helped so much. He has this amazing ability to pull me into focus, like gravity or something.

Anyways, after the eruption, I went to the movie by myself.

The “movies by myself” thing gives me time to think.

While I was watching my movie today I was smiling so big. It was genuine. It was great. I was laughing and enjoying the movie. At some points I thought to myself, “Hey, I could do something great with my blog.” But then I remembered that I kinda suck at follow through… (cough, cough, purses) hmmm hmmm.

In other news; I went JOGGING today! For the first time in a really long time I actually jog/ran with Tristan and the dogs for almost two miles consistently. It was awesome. I was sweating like something from a peter Jackson film, but I felt the runners high and it was oh so sweet!!! I am absolutely 100% addicted to exercise.

It has been 7 weeks today since I had my hysterectomy. I am now allowed to start gradually working back up to my old fitness routines. In case some of you don’t remember, or are fooled by my bootylicious post baby body, I was training for an ironman when I found out I was pregnant with Tristan.

We had been trying to get pregnant for so long that I kinda thought it wasn’t gonna happen that month. I had just finished the Utah half ironman and lotoja and was gearing up for a late season ironman. I was in great shape! I felt so good. I was going to school full time and getting a 3.9 gpa average while completing all of my prerequisites for nursing school . I realized quickly that I was pregnant. I was so worried when I started getting sick and had to quit my 4 in the morning triathlon coaching gig. By the time I was 6 months prego I was working out again and I worked out up to the day before I delivered Tristan! Breastfeeding was a magic solution to the weight I gained and soon after T was born I was 7 pounds away from my pre-baby weight. Then… my aunt flo decided to come back. And, well, the rest is ancient history.

The important thing is that I have learned to accept myself. Somewhere along the line I had somehow stopped doing that. Not sure why. But I am slightly convinced that it has to do with lack of exercise. Lynsie+exercise=healthy inside and out. I am sure that the whole “not believing in myself” garbage is the main ingredient in my melt-down magma. I am so excited to start exercising again!

Oh ya, did I tell you the house has an offer under review? Yup, my house. My precious house. The precious house that I cant afford anymore and don’t really need because it is too big anyways. The precious house that has sucked 43,000 dollars out of us during the last 3 years and isn’t paying us back a dime. It’s been crazy trying to figure out what we are gonna do and where we are gonna live. I am wanting so badly to get back into a routine and feel like moving is gonna postpone that even longer. I want to be sewing every day again. I miss it, and I want to make all of the purses that I have on backorder, but I have SO MUCH going on right now. Hmmm… I think I need to prioritize again. Just as long as we end up somewhere safe, together, and less expensive. That’s really all I ask. Sound like a gamble to you? Hell, I lived in the back of a vw van for a year, I can do ANYTHING!

You think I might be a bit of a bad gambler? Hmmm… maybe third times a charm. Maybe it’s just been “a good run of bad luck”?

You never know what’s waiting around the bend till you get there!

Love,
Lynsie