i'm worried this might be catching...

its 2 again... yup, in the morning. :) cant sleep. i have to admit that i thought long and hard about taking a narcotic pain pill to just help me sleep. i justified it every way i could to myself. the whole "feel better tomorrow after some good sleep" routine. but we all know you feel like crap the morning after any type of sleeping aid. so i guess less caffeine and more water tomorrow? i am working toward very little soda consumption. i guess i just want to feel better now that i feel better, if that makes any sense at all.

people are always politely asking me how i am doing since my surgery; my body and my health. i am typically casual and polite with them. sometimes i am in a talkative mood and i will entertain myself (and them usually) by bantering on and on about anything and everything. i figured some people might really want to know, in case they had been considering a similar surgery or something like that.

here is my synopsis:

be ready to feel like you just got hit by three semi trucks in a row for about 4 days after the surgery. you will need pain meds for 1-2 weeks MAX, less is even better. walk everyday after the surgery. if you are getting the surgery because you have pain or a disease, then get ready to feel the most amazing thing in your life: NO CRAMPS!!!!! you would not believe the difference. i honestly feel like a happier and calmer person now. my anxiety is getting better, as i get more relaxed and able to go out and do things. i can lift things and do moderate exercise now. i "sweat it out" for at least one hour every day. (part of my detox from 6 months straight of prescribed narcotics for my endo) this entails laying out, vigorous house cleaning, walking tristan and the dogs, spraying butchy with the hose, AND being scantily dressed after 5 wardrobe changes before noon due to embarrassing sweat patches. by about 4 pm each day i want to curl in a ball and die because i am tired and sore. it is like a detox sore, not a uterus sore. my incision sites do not hurt anymore. my iv site is still stiff and sore and bruised from all the phenegran. i have laughed more in the last 2 weeks than i ever have in my life. i have had more fun with adam in the last 2 weeks than i could have ever imagined with anyone anywhere. i am so glad i did the surgery, and so ready to get feeling better.

so hopefully that answers some questions for anyone who was seriously looking for an answer. i know i was looking for info before i made the choice, and it was a tough one to make. lots of prayers.

ANYWAYS

back to about three hours ago...

after tossing and turing in the bed for about an hour i finally explained to adam that i could not sleep and went downstairs. i went straight to the medicine cabinet. this is like the fifth day in a row of not falling asleep till 4 and waking at 7 so i guess i am feeling a little desperate to sleep. i actually had 2 tramadols in my mouth and spit them out. they are a non-narcotic pain reliever, but still... i spit them out. i really think it is the remnants of all the hormone treatments, anesthesia, narcotics and other stressful things that makes me hurt right now. i have read about detox and withdrawals and i know i had a really bad week right when i stopped, but i didn't think the symptoms would last this long. i have done a few things, like an infared sauna and herbal mixtures for detoxing, but i wonder if there is something more. i am not taking them anymore, now i just want them out!!! dang chemicals.

i always like to read the word of wisdom. it can be so refreshing and almost like an "eternal shopping list". it helps me reset my head on what things are good and the meaning of moderation. let's just face it; my 1/2 diet coke 1/2 diet dr pepper habit (not to mention the meds) were not good for my wallet or my body. water is so good, and i don't crash from it later. sometimes it's fun to have a soda on occasion. that would be my goal. i think about doing a diet or a cleanse and then i read those beautiful passages and i am reminded that the greatest instruction book on the planet is on the nightstand in my bedroom.

everywhere i have been for the last two days i have had a magnetic pull to be there, and met someone new and different that i say a few shy words to and then end up hugging and crying because we just shared some amazing moment together. for example, today i went to see my friend clint at the tattoo place and tristan saw a girl that looked like me. he did his usually "point and grunt" command to me. i hesitated for a second, i worried i should just leave her alone and not be a "chatty kathy" as adam so affectionately calls me. i was just about to turn when she smiled and tristan was overwhelmed with joy and she asked to hold him. i just stepped toward her and smiled. something made me ask her about her own kids, and then i just blurted out that i just got a hysterectomy and she said ME TOO!!! IN MARCH!!! she was younger than me, and had one child as well. it was amazing. we hugged and cried a little. wow, what if i had missed that? i cannot recount the many times this has happened to me recently.

so, i am awake... and writing. i am glad i spit the pills out :) maybe my lack of sleep is creating these mysterious meetings... i am worried this might be catching; there are an awful lot of you on facebook right now ;)



love,

lynsie