Where'd you go?

Dear loyal readers, friends, family, occasional readers, blog stalkers, and random drop by's;

I am sure by now you are feeling like I am a "fair weather friend", except the opposite. I mean, I am sure you think, "Well, when she wasn't feeling good she blogged and commented but NOW...." Or something like that. Well, here's the thing... I DO feel better, and that is such a great blessing!!!

I am also helping my dear friends market their race, the Provo Triathlon, and it is kinda consuming my computer time and leaving me walking away before even linking to blogger.

Now, in the middle of the night, I find myself WIDE AWAKE ooozing with posts I want to share and missing my blogger friends and their stories. Tristan is also teething. Top front two. Oh, and he has declared that he will only nap ONE TIME per day now as well. These things don't combine well and leave me groggy and even a little grumpy some days.

I am working on finding my balance, my medium. I am kinda "stuck on stupid LARGE" I do large or small, usually not medium. As I get older I am finding that medium is really a nice place to be. I WANT medium. I need medium. I am working on medium.

Also, as these sunshiny days have inspired me to spend time outside I've found myself looking in the mirror really truly pondering something... Had I lied every time I checked the box for White/Caucasian??? With each passing day I grow increasingly darker and darker. I like it, mostly because I feel green in the winter, but it really makes me question things, like the fact that my grandma NEVER told ANYONE that she had endometriosis (THE SAME THING I JUST WENT THROUGH HELL AND BACK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF I HAD, hmmm hmmm) and that she had to get a full hysterectomy at 28. That may have been helpful information. (I am really not mad at her, I love her so much.) People keep telling me it's a "generation" thing. That my grandma didn't talk about that because it would be inappropriate according to her generation. Okay, fine, whatever. But, we have ALL let the fact that grandma was the DARKEST skinned child in her family slip for WAY TO LONG. She once told me she was the darkest skinned person in her whole high school, and that she always wore long sleeves and light makeup. Come on already! I would like to know what I am. I get asked every other day. I would like to tell Tristan what he is too. I guess I can tell him he is 1/4 Greek. (Adams dad is from Athens, Greece) But, again, the "generation" thing prevents this important information from passing down. I have attempted to research it. A lot of family members have. No one ever finds anything. I guess I haven't ever REALLY REALLY tried. I don't want to offend her. I love her! Even though she looks like a Native American and tells me she is Danish. I guess part of me wants to know more about my past; who I came from, what they did and looked like and lived like. I don't think it will change anything, but it will satisfy my hunger to find out things about who I am. Some people will understand this hunger better than others. I never knew my dad, that is what I think makes me feel this way.

Anyways, I am off my soapbox for now. I will work on medium and try to be here more often. Not really for you, but for me. I love to write. It makes me feel better. It is my release. So, take it or leave it. Read it or skip it. These are my posts as of late.

With love,
Lynsie