The Plan

So, I am now officially on the "no plan" plan. I like the "no plan" plan, and I refuse to admit that it is actually a plan. Kinda like when I let my hair grow into dreadlocks and wore the same stinky dirty halter top patchwork dress and let my armpits and leg hair grow out for four years while I found magical ways to get $50.00 every single day for, well, lets just say if you know what costs $50 a day then you get my point. I did ALL of this while INSISTING I had no plan, when in actuality I was on the "no plan" plan. Do you get what I am saying here? My NEW "no plan" plan involves a lot more shaving and showering and wearing clean clothes. I am just going to wait and see what my next two cycles feel like before I decide to take any hormones or have any more surgeries or get pregnant again. I talked to my doc about it and he was really awesome and supportive. I still feel like I got ran over by a semi truck, but I am laughing a lot more now than a few days ago, that's gotta be good right? I do feel slightly guilty because I cried and asked Adam to call in sick for his two day shift in salt lake tomorrow. I just don't feel ready yet. Maybe I am being a baby. I just really want his help until I heal a little more. I can barely stand up or sit down without cringing and sometimes even crying. He is amazing. Did I mention yet that today he made me a cupcake size angel food cake with strawberry filling, fresh strawberries and a bunch of whipped topping, ALL BY HIMSELF WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING FOR IT. These are good things ladies, but they also make me worry that he might be worried about me. I need to just quit worrying, really it is wasting my time. The doc asked me yesterday if I have been getting out much, and Adam answered for me, "NO, NEVER". The doc recommended some sunshine, which I interpreted into me going tanning today. While in the tanning booth I must admit I cried. This sounds funny, but bear with me... the song from the movie Ghost was playing, since I could only get KOZY 106.5 to play on the radio in there. The movie Ghost was one of my moms favs when we where little, but she would cry, a lot, and I never understood why. I think I was 7 when I realized that my dad died when I was little, and that that didn't happen to everyone else too. So, I know this is corny but I have been watching American Idol and I LOVE Danny Gokey (the guy that was recently widowed) and there I was sitting in the tanning bed crying over the song from the movie Ghost because I am finally old enough to understand why my mom cried when we watched it when we were little AND I have finally gone through enough in my life that I don't hate my dad for what he did. I understand. It wasn't right, but I understand how a person could be driven to that point and I thank the Lord every single day that I have the gift of the holy ghost to comfort me. Wow, I really got carried away there, what I was trying to say was I think Danny Gokey should sing the song from Ghost. And there you have it folks, the "almost so personal that you are embarrassed for me but also so personal that you feel like you can relate to me" post of the day. Man, I think I like this blogging stuff.